Why We Love to Gather!
Our intention for creating space for impactful gatherings in support of meaningful connections.
Inspired by the great parties throughout history – we endeavour to curate incredible experiences and celebrate the art of gathering well (thank you Priya Parker 🙏).
Gatherings come in all shapes and sizes, even Monday morning Zoom calls and weekly family dinners are opportunities for deep connection. Of course, elegant soirees and strategic conferences feel more monumental, yet their scale and purpose can get muddy and quickly lose authenticity.
So what makes a great gathering? What do you remember of the best parties you’ve ever attended? The answers to these questions might surprise you.
We spend a large part of our lives gathering, from coffee with colleagues to happy hour cocktails, from book clubs to board meetings. Rarely do we take the time to consider the ingredients that go into a successful, meaningful, memorable gathering.
We are big fans of Priya Parker, her 2018 book, The Art of Gathering. Priya sets out a new approach to gathering that focuses on distinctiveness, purpose, and genuine connection. Her thinking has inspired us to look at how we gather with intention we hope it will do the same for you!
When we do event planning, we often focus on logistics. We look to Pinterest for décor ideas or work out gluten free options for our next business event. Rarely do we stop to think about the deeper purpose behind our gathering. And even more rare do we design gatherings that promote opportunity for powerful human connection.
And yet, our lives are a progression of gatherings. We gather first in our families, with friends, in playgroups and at schools. Then at weddings, business meetings, class reunions and dinner parties. Finally, at funerals, wakes, and end of life celebrations.
If you’ve ever watched your party fade during dessert or wished your corporate meetings were more focused – we suggest five areas to explore as the antidote for lackluster gatherings.
A clear purpose + the right guest list
A clear purpose is the first step to making your next gathering great.
Too many of our gatherings lack a clear purpose. That’s why we spend so much of our working lives in meetings when a quick email exchange would be more effective. We’re programmed to do things as they’ve always been done… and so life’s rituals continue. To get out on the repetitive loop - understand what the goal is for the gathering or event. Start with the WHY!
Once you understand the reason to gather, it’s time to consider who to invite.
Here’s a tip, the people you leave off the list are as important as the ones you leave on! The concept of “the more the merrier” is deeply rooted in our society. Most of us have heard those words since childhood. So, when we think about guest lists, we often focus on inclusion. Exclusion, however, is just as important, even if it’s a little uncomfortable.
It’s not easy to say “no” in these situations, because politeness takes over. But while exclusion may feel impolite, inclusion of the wrong people is a form of impoliteness to the other people involved. The exclusive criteria works to everyone’s advantage. Over-including would have detracted from the success and purpose of any gathering!
Generous authority + explicit rules
Being willing to make uncomfortable decisions is a key part of hosting well.
A host that acts with generous authority delivers a better guest experience than those who are overly laid-back. It’s true, being chill can be a virtue. But when it comes to gatherings, being too relaxed as a host might mean an abdication of your responsibility to both your gathering, your purpose and your guests. If a dinner party begins to fizzle out - maybe suggest a game or conversation starter! Invite guests to tell a story (see #3 for more about priming guests for this moment!). Look for ways to infuse some much-needed energy into the evening!
This could also include explicit rules to focus and, ultimately, liberate your guests! Rules have a bad reputation. We associate rules with school, overbearing parents, boredom and rigidity. But that reputation is unfair, because if you get them right, rules can establish safety and unleash experimentation, resulting in connection. Rules can be designed to encourage bonding and belonging.
One example from The Art of Gathering is never permitting anyone to pour their own drink. This simple rule forces people to interact in a safe and easy way. It can help guests overcome the slight awkwardness associated with approaching someone new and striking up a conversation. The rule helped break the ice and encouraged connection.
Hosting a gathering of any kind today means accepting technological distraction, a reality of our modern lives. A recent study revealed that people check their phones an average of 150 times a day. Another rule could be a ban on technology - asking event guests to be completely present in the tech-addled, distraction-filled society. Making the active choice to be with a group of people and to focus on being present, made the gatherings more meaningful.
Priming for guests + a meaningful welcome
People will form impressions about what to expect from your event long before it begins, so prime them with the right expectations.
Priming can be simple, it may be as small as stating the purpose and goals of the event. Or sending a note prior to the event to initiate the conversation before guests even arrive. With email, newsletters and social media, you can add touch points (or breadcrumbs!) for a more focused and intriguing gathering.
Prior to the gathering, invite guests to come prepared with a story or funny joke. If it's a networking event, have guests ready with an elevator pitch or introduction. If a birthday party, maybe a personal antidote of their best birthday memory. By encouraging storytelling you can bring this authenticity to your own gatherings.
Taking this even further – honouring your guests as they arrive can super speed presence and deepen the connection between guests. This could be as simple as having the table set before a meal, or name tags for guests who do not know each other. A meaningful introduction can go a long way towards encouraging authenticity – a gathering ingredient that’s not always easily achieved.
A thoughtful ending
The first step to a great ending is to take charge.
Instead of waiting around for things to naturally fizzle out, be prepared to cue the next phase of gathering. For example, after dessert some of your guests might be ready to head home, while others might be settling in for a late night conversation. Thank your guests for coming and give them permission to leave as well as the option to stay, then cue them to continue gathering by relocating to the living room.
Too many events fizzle out rather than ending with a bang, but there are simple ways to end gatherings well.
Lastly, there are ways to keep an event going through follow-up communication. Sending thank you notes with everyone’s contact information – maintaining those new friendships. With a business meeting, there might be follow-up notes, interesting articles to share or next steps. Invite your guests to keep the connection and conversation going with these tiny details.
Here’s to leaving ritual behind, making unconventional rules, and celebrating moments of genuine human connection with magical endings! Here’s to 2023!
If you’re interested in hosting your next gathering with style, grace and little more intention - we’d love to help! Connect with us now about hosting your next gathering!